Where will you go when you die? Limawapang lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, his heart pounding. The question echoed in his mind, refusing to let him sleep. Memories crashed over him like waves. The pain of loneliness, watching other children with loving parents while he nursed bruises and broken bones.
Limawapang Jamir’s world was shaped by toxic masculinity before he even took his first breath. His parents divorced while his mother was still pregnant, and after three years with her, custody laws placed him under his father’s care—a well-known boxer in Nagaland. As an adolescent, he was thrust into a world where strength meant silence and pain. He endured regular beatings—one so severe it left him with a broken nose. This was the lowest point of his adolescence, a time when he felt utterly broken.
One night, he felt an urge to pray. As he knelt, memories flooded his mind—the pain, the wrong choices. He realized how far he had drifted. Tears welled up. He had never felt so lost. At that moment, a voice spoke within him: The pain you went through as a child, the sins you have committed, the wrong path you chose—I was always there with you.
Limawapang trembled. “Lord, help me,” he finally managed to whisper.
The next day, something urged him to buy a Bible. He had never read one before but started with John. As he read, a truth struck him: Jesus loves me—deeply, personally. And He wanted a relationship with him! For the first time in his life, he felt whole. The toxic ideals that once controlled him began to lose their grip. The desire for smoking and drinking faded. He had found something far greater—he had found love. And as his relationship with Jesus deepened, something else happened. He forgave his father, “ he reasoned. That understanding changed him.
He began sharing his newfound faith. One day, an aunt suggested, “You should study theology.” He laughed it off, but the thought lingered. That night, he dreamed of Peter fishing all night with empty nets until Jesus told him to cast again—this time, they overflowed. And so, with a heart filled with assurance, he stepped into the unknown, trusting the God who had always been with him.
Jesus was no longer just a distant figure—He was his Savior, his Friend, his closest confidant. “If I hadn’t found Jesus, I would have been lost forever in worldly pleasures, never knowing true love, never knowing eternal life.”
Now, standing on this new path, he knows one thing for certain: If not for Jesus, he would have remained trapped in the cycle of toxic masculinity and broken identity. But in God’s love, he found healing, purpose, and the home he had always longed for.
