“I planned my suicide in a way where my family wouldn’t have to see my dead body.” Depen Samar was severely depressed and had given up on life. He blamed it on the passing of his father when he was just a year and half old.
Depen struggled throughout his childhood and adolescence because people mocked him for not having a father. He was made the butt of jokes, and was call an ill-mannered orphan. He was hit and spit on as a child by people around him. Strangers or passers by would pass unpleasant comments and refer to him as a bad omen. Naturally, Depen grew up to be a bitter man. He was disconnected from his family and preferred to stay by himself.
“I wanted to take revenge on all the people who hurt me,” said Depen as he remembered the pain he endured. He never tried to be courteous with his family, “I was always rude to them. I did not have any kindness in my heart for them.” Depen carried the burden of hatred and anger, and stocked up grudges for everyone he knew. Depen struggled to stay asleep for more than twenty-five minutes at a time. He fell into the trap of drugs and his physical health, along with his mental health deteriorated rapidly. This only led him to hating his own life even more.
“I didn’t think I was worthy of living anymore. I decided to end my life.” Once Depen made up his mind, he proceeded to make plans for his last few days. He wanted to meet his mother one last time, and went to visit her in December 2008. His mother’s neighbor was a pastor who invited him to spend a fortnight to celebrate Christmas. After the celebrations, Depen was ready. The day to execute his plan was here. 28th December 2008.
When Depen went to thank the pastor, he was pursued to stay for one more day and attend the Sunday service. Little did Depen know, the one-day delay would transform his life. In church the next day, Depen experienced God in a way he never had before. He heard God’s voice! Clear and audible to only his ears! Depen remembers God telling him ‘My son, you have been looking for love. You have missed out on the love of a father, and now you want to end your life.’ The words that restored Depen’s heart were ‘I love you with that same kind of love and I take you into my arms.’ As Depen cried, he felt God embracing him tightly. “I held up my hands and surrendered by life to Christ.”
Once Depen felt God’s peace, there was no going back. The words of Isaiah 53:5 kept him going through Bible school – ‘By His wounds we are healed.’ Today Depen and his family serve in the City Harvest Ministry in Gangtok, spreading the hope and peace he has felt since he felt God’s embrace. Depen encourages everyone to work on being mentally and physically fit as they continue to grow spiritually, following God’s word.
