Losing our loved ones is heart-breaking enough. Imagine losing loved ones without a chance to say good-bye. The feelings of a lack of closure, shock and even guilt are natural. Asenla Sangma, a producer with CBN, went through a similar gut-wrenching experience but pulled through it with unthinkable calmness.
In September 2020, Asenla lost her father to Covid. This terrifying disease has crippled millions around the globe with feelings of despair, emptiness, and loss. Asenla and her father had a special bond, “My relationship with my father was not like a father and daughter but we were more like friends. He would take me for a long drive and we would just enjoy ourselves and we would listen to music.”
In January 2020, Asenla decided to move to Goa with her husband and children, while her parents continued to live in Shillong. She didn’t realise that she would never see her father again. Come September, her father fell ill, and a positive Covid test confirmed their worst fears though there was hardly any time to react. Asenla remembers her thoughts and feelings on hearing this news, “I don’t know, somehow even though I was worried, but I wasn’t scared or anything. I felt like he will be fine.”
During this trying time, she reached out to her boss at CBN where she has worked for over 14 years, her support, prayers, and hopeful words anchored Asenla. Asenla received a call from her boss saying, “let me pray for your Dad and for you.” Right after this call, Asenla got a call from her father who she encouraged saying, “Don’t worry. You fight this, everyone is praying for you. You will be fine; you will pull through.”
The next day, the hospital called informing Asenla that her father had passed away. She recalls the day vividly, “I still remember that whole day I couldn’t do anything. I just couldn’t cry! I was thinking whether something was wrong with me. There were times when I would totally forget what had happened and then suddenly it would hit me that my dad was no more. The tears would just roll down and then I would stop myself from crying.” Asenla’s fears took over, “I felt I would lose all those memories I had with my dad.”
Asenla and her husband decided to move back to Shillong to be with her mother. She felt the need for closure, “I remember the first thing I did was go up to my dad’s room, open his closet and I was just checking his clothes.” She then thought going to the cemetery would help break the check dam of her emotions.
“I felt that I was not mourning my dad’s death properly,” Asenla recalled tearfully. “I would keep talking to God, saying that my father was so healthy and strong. Why did this happen to him? All this was hurting me but for some reason I wasn’t angry with God.”
Standing in the cemetery, she realised her dad was surrounded by a lake, mountains and under a blue sky. She felt peaceful. This scenery took her attention to what was written on her dad’s memorial, ‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7).’
Inspiration and realization come to us at the most unexpected times. Remembering her father’s memorial, Asenla had a moment of realisation herself, “We always say that God places you wherever you are with a purpose. Now I know why God chose me to be with CBN. Not just to spread the word of God, but also to build me up spiritually.” With everything that was placed in her way, God was making her stronger and moulding her to become resilient. “I started realising that my not grieving for my dad even though I was hurt, wasn’t because there was something wrong with me. But God had made me so strong spiritually, mentally and physically. When my dad passed away my spirit was not crushed, but I was able to handle this loss”, she said with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.
Asenla’s concluding words bring so much hope, “I am handling all this not because of my strength but because of God’s strength that’s in me.”
